There have been so many times I have made several excuses for myself why I haven’t been able to pen down some of my thoughts or finished my book I started way back in shs. I have this feeling I won’t even finish up what I am writing now. But I could at least write something till I get lazy again or I get a writer’s block or something.
Lately I have been thinking about death. I kinda think too many people especially young people are dying. I don’t know if I am prepared for it or just plain scared of it. I really hope I can make the best of it before the inevitable happens. I have thought about how it would feel like when you fall asleep one day and then poof! Like Mahama took his lights in your dream as well or you just see yourself floating or hoovering over your lifeless body. I am not considering killing myself, no. I am just try trying to let myself realise that someday, at any time, even though I may not want to, will just probably hover over my body or just black out and try telling myself to get up and do something.
I don’t know how ready I am. I don’t think I am anyway. Unless accepting that we would go away sooner or later is the beginning of being ready. How sure are we that we aren’t going to escape from these bodies and end up in a different dimension to begin another annoying life or our life was just a reality show or tutorial video being shown to Adam and Eve just to show them what will happen if they touched the apple.
I had quite a scare today though(06/07/2017). My left arm was hurting and the pain moved like blood flowing through my vein to my chest. I honestly felt I was about to have a heart attack or probably a stroke. I am only 21! I had that thought too. I was too young to have a heart attack. I was panicking inside me but I had to keep calm because my heart will have just been like ‘O well, so is this how we are going?We had a great run’ and who knows what might have gone on after. I really don’t want to think about it.
I am grateful though. I have an awesome family, a great boyfriend, my friends are crazy and I love them a lot. My life is also taking a couple of turns on this wheel of life so that when it stops, it would stop in the right direction. I can’t be the judge of what exactly my future holds but I sure hope it turns awesome so that when I leave and sky rocket myself to my heavenly home, I know I did make something of myself and probably made some sense to a couple of other people.